The Reality of Illusion

We get so rapped up in our lives each day, our
wants, our needs, our desires , our beliefs that
we can tell ourselves whatever we want to further
our  desires whether it's reality or an illusion we've
created because we can't face our reality.

I am no different, the past 5 years has been a living
hell for me. First I lost my beautiful wife too young!
Then about a year later, part of my left leg and my
ability to walk. and almost my life!

Then for the past 3 plus years, I've been fighting back
to regain my health and the ignorance of the medical
establishment.

But I decided in my hospital  bed, that I was the captain
of this ship and I was not going to go down. That I was going
to find "the way" to regaining my health, ability to walk,
a new beautiful loving partner, and a bigger and better career!

So  I've been going full steam ahead, focused on my objectives,
believing  that I could start to rebuild my life on schedule.
But then one day, a beautiful little bird came into my world
and without knowing it lifted my spirit further but then made me
realize that I was being dishonest with myself creating an illusion 
that everything was on target when it wasn't.

In many ways, my life is moving in the right direction and my 
therapists and nurses fully expect me to recover in 2013 but
in some areas, in my life, I'm  living in a world of illusion needing
to remove the pain not of losing my lower left leg but the
masterpiece that honored me in 1990 to share all of herself with me.

In my desire to move on, I've created in my mind a beautiful illusion
that I was ready to start to heal that wound in my heart and soul
to find a new miss wonderful beautiful, intelligent, talented, and
caring and she is out there but I would be dishonest and illusional
to her and to me to think that I'm ready now to share all of me with
her.

So I want to thank that beautiful little bird for helping me come back
to reality and have the patience for events to develop for  like my
masterpiece beauty if she spoke would whisper their names.